I realized for the first time today in 18 years that my best friend writes everything in her blog. I wonder how come it took me so long to start doing this, and I also wonder where the compulsory need to talk all the time comes from. It was so fascinating to me, I always knew she kept a blog, but I had never read it. And I always wondered why I seemed to have all these pressing things to discuss and she didn't. She writes it all and processes that way. By the time we are on the phone, she is done with it. I am not sure if this will work for me, but I am going to try it for a little while. It seems as though anytime I am in a quiet space, I have to call someone. I have been blatantly criticized for talking on the phone too much by many people. I am not agreeing with them. I process the way I process, but I am curious as to how much clearer I can see my thoughts after I write them out. This is my experiment. And one of these days I want to experiment with allowing anyone to read this. I am fearful of that. Afraid of who might see it, as if that really mattered, but still it scares me.
I find it funny that since this afternoon when I decided to try this, instead of making phone calls I start to "blog" in my head. Maybe I can write after all.
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1 comment:
I love you. :)
And I do the same EXACT thing; when something happens and I need to process it, or even just document it, I start the blog entry in my head. ;) It rarely (if ever) looks the way I thought it would when I actually start to write it, but that's okay. :)
There is something compelling to me about being pubicly naked in the way that you are when you blog your true self. Some people write about knitting or music or boys or their kids, but I haven't often seen the ripping-off-of-clothes that I try to do. It keeps me grounded and honest in myself, and I can honor my fear as what it is, rather than letting it be an obstacle to intimacy. The more honest I am, the more people comment on my blog and say, THANK YOU for saying that, me too, me too! and I know it's worth it, because I'm not alone in my fears or worries or my dark side.
You aren't alone and you don't walk alone, and you can be as forward and honest as you choose to be. It's still your private self, no one can take that from you!
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